Welcome to The Official Headquarters of Apocalypse & Armageddon Assurance Associates, LLC--for Your Rapture Needs!
Nobody wants to get caught with their pants down, but let's face it, the Lord works in mysterious ways. In the end, it's His way or The Hell Way. We are here to make sure you damned ones get to cash in on your blessed one's spiritual fortune. Don't you want to be taken care of in the event that someone you love actually wasn't a complete idiot and floats up to Heaven to spend Life Everlasting with Our Maker, while you are left behind to play "Hide The Pitch Fork" with Satan? Ouch! "That hurt, Red!!"
We are here in celebration of the, uh... next eventual "End of Days" prediction (now that neither of Harold Campings predictions panned out AND the Mayan 12-21-12 date has passed--big fat eye roll). Shit will eventually, one day... some day(?)... get righteous-real, folks. You buy insurance for your car, for your home and for your health. Why not for The Rapture?
And since we are not False Prophets--such as the likes of some people we know--we have not filled in the Date for you. We thought back in February 1582 when Pope Gregory XIII was inventing the "Christian Calendar" (or Gregorian calendar as it is called in pop-culture), he might have accidentally tweaked the dates plus or minus a percentage point or two. In other words: we're still waiting with you.
After you follow the link above and read over our Rapture Insurance policy, stop in and take a gander at our collectibles. They make great presents for your God-fearing loved ones, and even better reminders on Judgment Day that you are a spiritual loser. Don't believe us? Check out this collectibles ad.
Halle-friggin-lujah and have a nice day--while it lasts!
This site was created for comedic purposes only. We cannot be held responsible for people who take things waaaaaay too seriously.